I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this just has baby written all over it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
