So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
