just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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