I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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