It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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