is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
