Got a toothbrush?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
