I'm really into asian looking animals
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
