OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize