we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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