I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
