My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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