3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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