We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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