Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
