So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
