So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
