I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
