This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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