you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize