I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
