If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to calm my uterus...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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