Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No stitches, just platelets and will power
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
