I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
