she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i believe in u and ur pee
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