I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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