well I can't set my house on fire every night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
