also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
