Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
