He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
