i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize