Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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