Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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