tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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