I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
