Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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