Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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