Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
