Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My bed smells like the plague
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
