remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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