mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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