i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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