Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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