He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
