Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
