so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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