is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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