It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
