Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
