remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have feelings that need drinking.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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