Swine flu. Run for my life!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
