I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
