I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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