you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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