whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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