Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
