And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
