I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
