I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
