Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
