i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
