The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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