No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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