so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
