We won't sleep together?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
