I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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