So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
