you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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