Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
